Reflecting

August happens to be a very special month for me.  August 9, 2010 was the day Eric and I found out that we were going to be parents.  Exactly 8 months later on April 9, 2011, Nicholas was born.  So a few weeks ago when August 9th rolled around again, not only did Nicholas turn 4 months old but it was also the 1 year anniversary of the day we learned we were pregnant.  As I realized this amazing coincidence I started reflecting on all of the changes and challenges our family had been through over the course of the year.

Being pregnant for the first time was so exciting, nerve wracking, scary, and amazing all at the same time.  For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a mom.  I love the idea of having a big family full of kids.  As far as pregnancies are concerned, I had it pretty easy.  There were only one or two bouts of morning sickness and my blood pressure stayed right where it was supposed to.  I did end up having to take the 3 hour glucose test; however, that turned out just fine.  Everything went perfectly until the day I went into labor.  It started at 3:00 in the morning and although I kept waiting for steady contractions, my body just didn't seem to want to cooperate.  Eric called the doctor around noon and when they asked how far apart the contractions were, we really couldn't tell them.  They were all over the board, first 2 minutes apart, then the next at 6 minutes apart, then 10, then 3 and so on and so forth.  By the time the on call doc finally told us to come in at 4:00 in the afternoon, I had already been in labor for 13 hours and once they got me into a room and checked out, I was 9cm.

After a speedy epidural, turning from side to side and an oxygen mask due to his dropping heart rate, Nicholas was born at 6:48p.m.  After a very thorough examination by a team of NICU doctors, I got to see my baby for the first time.  It was all worth it.  Every last pain, worry, fear, and nervous thought was instantly gone.  He was beautiful.

Fast forward to the day we brought him home and, although I was a first time mom, I knew something wasn't right.  Babies are supposed to cry, it's their only way of communicating, but I had a baby who would scream in pain at all hours of the day and night.  After switching pediatricians and finding one that would actually listen to my concerns without writing them up as a first time mom overreaction, we began a quest to find the source of Nicholas' pain.  The next 6 weeks were rough as a team of doctors performed a ton of ultrasounds and routine tests to locate the problem.  Finally, after multiple visits to Children's Hospital, at 6 weeks old, Nicholas was admitted to the NICU due to weight loss and the inability to keep anything down. 

The NICU, while one of the best places a sick baby can be, is one of the most terrifying places on earth for a parent.  After another ultrasound, a chest x-ray, swallow study with a speech pathologist and a reflux study with the radiologist and a pediatric gastroenterologist, we learned that our baby's pain was caused by a number of things that are actually very common in babies, however, his case was simply much more severe.  To start things off, it was determined that Nicholas is lactose intolerant as well as having an apparent allergy to soy.  This was something we were afraid might happen as these types of allergies run in both Eric and my families.  (Eric also has celiac's disease, so we'll have to be careful).  The other side of the problem was related to reflux.  It was found that Nick's stomach simply creates too much acid and to top it off his digestive system seemed to be just a little behind in developing and was not keeping what he ate in his stomach.  The doctors ultimately told us that he was an immediate refluxer, which basically means that as soon as he eats, it comes back up.  The extra acid his stomach produces would then essentially burn his esophagus and by the time it was caught, his throat was extremely raw.

I'm happy to say though that since then, we have found that putting Nicholas on a hypoallergenic formula as well as a few different medications has greatly decreased his discomfort.  While I'm not super excited about giving my baby medication, it's amazing to see him smile.  That is something that, for the first few months of his life, didn't happen.  He wasn't ever happy, he never smiled, he didn't want to play, he was in pain.

Thankfully, the doctors say that this is something that he will most likely outgrow.  Once he gets a little older and his digestive system catches up to the rest of his body, we will be able to take him off the medication and he will be just fine.

While this definitely does not compare to the trials and challenges that some new parents face, it definitely made me stop, breathe, and just look at my child and remind myself of how incredibly lucky my husband and I are.